An Insiders View of Italy

Mario Lanza - Arrivederci Roma

2010-11-09T12:28:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite versions of this classical Italian song

The Geometry of Pasta

2010-10-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

Most cookbooks are replete with photographs to whet the appetite. Sauces drip from pasta-laden forks, and you can feed a squad of hungry soldiers with a single spaghetti recipe.
"The Geometry of Pasta," by Caz Hildebrand and Jacob Kenedy, is the antithesis of this. This unassuming book has no photographs. The cover design and black-and-white illustrations of pasta — from shells to spaghetti to egg noodles — are by Hildebrand, an award-winning British graphic designer.
Turns out the book doesn't need mouthwatering pictures and huge portions to be extremely tasty.
"People have been making pasta for thousands of years ... and they've had a long time to get it right. There have been a lot of learning and practice. Lots of people have done the legwork," Kenedy says in a phone interview. "There's a lot more value to be looking back before deciding how to step forward with cuisine than just trying to step ahead in the future."
Kenedy spent several years going through Italy, collecting pasta recipes from dozens of cooks, mastering them and now serving them at Bocca Di Lupo, a restaurant in London's Soho district where he is the owner and chef.
"Geometry" starts very basic - such as how to create three basic tomato sauces from scratch - then dives into more exotic recipes. While most of the ingredients can be found at the local grocery, Whole Foods or a gourmet market is your friend when you're searching out buffalo milk mozzarella for the Penne al Forno.
The recipes can appear unhealthy, but Kenedy points out "the quantities of butter, oil and cream can be halved to produce a healthier more domestic version of any of the dishes," and, he adds, that applies to the amount of salt as well.
The book stemmed from Hildebrand's fascination with different shapes and sizes of pasta and how they suited various sauces and recipes.
"What's so lovely about pasta is that a lot of the shapes do echo things that have influenced the pasta makers, whether they are shells or indeed crankshafts. They really are food imitating life," said Hildebrand, who has designed best-selling cookbooks. "What we found when we researched is that they really are products of their time. You can date their provenance to what was happening in industrial advances or natural things, which seems like a crazy thing to say about pasta."
For example, dischi volanti, or "flying saucers," was designed in 1947 after a reported UFO sighting in the U.S. skies.
Finally, if you want to learn Italian, this is a place to start. Bigoli, cappelletti, gramigne, canederli, lumache and orecchiette are names that might not come tripping off the tongue of a casual eater of pasta more used to spaghetti, lasagna and tortellini, but don't worry — "The Geometry of Pasta" covers them too.
Deliciously. ___
Capelli D'Angelo al Burro e Limone
{ pound capelli d'angelo (angel's hair) pasta 1/3 cup butter Grated zest of 1 lemon A grating of nutmeg A few drops of lemon juice A little grated Parmesan, to serve A few basil leaves (optional)
While the capelli d'angelo (angel hair pasta) is cooking, pour about 1 cup of the cooking water into a pan and boil, swirling in the butter. Add the lemon zest, nutmeg and a little pepper and salt if needed. Allow to reduce to the consistency of light cream (add water if it goes too far), then add the pasta (drained and, as ever, slightly on the undercooked side.) Stir in and add a very few drops of lemon juice to taste.
Serve with a little Parmesan. A few basil leaves, stirred in at the same time as the lemon juice, are a pleasant addition. Roughly four servings. (I recommend adding the basil.)

Vatican Bank faces Money-laundering Probe

2010-09-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

Rome, Italy (CNN) -- Italian authorities are investigating the Vatican Bank over possible violations of money laundering regulations, the Bank of Italy told CNN Tuesday.

Another Italian bank alerted Bank of Italy investigators to two Vatican Bank transactions that did not appear to comply with anti-money laundering requirements, the Bank of Italy said.

When Bank of Italy investigators told legal authorities about the transactions, they were told that judicial authorities were already investigating the Vatican Bank, the Bank of Italy said.

The Vatican said Tuesday it is "perplexed and baffled" by the public prosecutor's actions, and the Holy See aims for "complete transparency" in its financial operations.

The Vatican said it has "full trust" in Ettore Tedeschi, the head of the bank -- which is officially known as the Istituto per le Opere di Religione.

The Bank of Italy investigation was prompted by two wire transfers which the Vatican Bank asked Credito Artigiano to carry out, the Bank of Italy said.

The Vatican Bank did not provide enough information about the transfers -- one for 20 million euros (about $26 million), and one for 3 million euros (about $4 million) -- to comply with the law, prompting the Bank of Italy to suspend them automatically, it said.

The Vatican Bank is subject to particularly stringent anti-money laundering regulations because Italian law does not consider it to operate within the European Union.

It must supply more detailed information about transactions than European Union banks have to give.

Source: CNN
CNN's Hada Messia in Rome, Italy, contributed to this report.

Mafia Arrests Reveal Mob was "Going Green"

2010-09-15T03:37:00.000-07:00

Police in Italy have seized Mafia-linked assets worth $1.9 billion – the biggest mob haul ever – in an operation revealing that the crime group was trying to "go green" by laundering money through alternative energy companies.

Investigators said the assets included more than 40 companies, hundreds of parcels of land, buildings, factories, bank accounts, stocks, fast cars and luxury yachts.
Most of the seized assets were located in Sicily, home of the Cosa Nostra, and in southern Calabria, home of its sister crime organisation, the 'Ndrangheta.

At the centre of the investigation was Sicilian businessman Vito Nicastri, 54, a man known as the "Lord of the Wind" because of his vast holdings in alternative energy concerns, mostly wind farms.
Interior Minister Roberto Maroni called the operation "the largest seizure ever made" against the Mafia.
General Antonio Girone, head of the national anti-Mafia agency DIA, said Nicastri was linked to Matteo Messina Denaro, believed to be Mafia's current "boss of bosses".
Investigators said Nicastri's companies ran numerous wind farms as well as factories that produced solar energy panels.
"It's no surprise that the Sicilian Mafia was infiltrating profitable areas like wind and solar energy," Palermo magistrate Francesco Messineo told a news conference.
Officials said the operation was based on a 2,400-page investigative report and followed the arrest of Nicastri last year.
Senator Costantino Garraffa, a member of the parliamentary anti-Mafia committee, said the Mafia was trying to break into the "new economy," of alternative energy as it sought out virgin ventures to launder money from drugs and other rackets.
In the past few years, Italian authorities have cracked down hard on the crime group that once terrified the country.

The cupola, or hierarchy, of the Sicilian Mafia has been in freefall since the mid-1990s, when police began arresting its most enigmatic and charismatic bosses.

Salvatore "The Beast" Riina, who had declared war on the state and ordered a string of killings, bombings and kidnappings, was arrested in 1993 after nearly a quarter of a century on the run.
His successor, Bernardo Provenzano, was captured in 2006 after 43 years on the run. Both Riina and Provenzano hailed from Corleone, the hill town near Palermo made famous by the Godfather movies.
Provenzano was succeeded by Salvatore "The Baron" Lo Piccolo, who was in turn arrested a year later in 2007.

Police say the circle is now closing in on Messina Denaro, who hails from the grim western Sicilian town of Castelvetrano and is known as the "Playboy Boss" because he likes fast cars, women and gold watches. He has been on the run since 1993.

Video of an Italian Mountain Collapsing

2010-08-05T02:51:00.000-07:00

Here is a very interesting video that shows the collapse of an Italian mountain. As far as we can tell this story did not appear in the news - nor could we find out exactly where this took place ... but from the video you can see clearly that this is an actual event.

Who knew mountains could just flow down hill like this?

Click here to see the video.

Forte dei Marmi turns against rich tourists

2010-07-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

Glitzy Tuscan retreat is trying to stop locals being forced out by wealthy Russian visitors.

After years of welcoming well-heeled tourists from around the world with open arms, one of Tuscany's smartest, most discreet beach resorts is in revolt against outsiders, wealthy or not.

Forte dei Marmi – the traditional summer retreat for Italian captains of industry, writers and film stars – is changing the law to try to stop locals fleeing because of house prices driven out of control by incoming Russian millionaires. The town's combative mayor, Umberto Buratti, is reserving space next to luxury villas with sea views for new homes that will only be sold to locally-born buyers or long-term residents. Other Italian resorts with similar problems will monitor the experiment with interest.

"We want to safeguard the character of the town instead of seeing it turn into a place with no ties, as anonymous as a motorway service station," Buratti said.

"Not everyone here is rich or Russian," added local councillor Michele Molino. "You look at the designer shops round here and we could be in London."

Despite the economic crisis that has kept some smart Muscovites at home, local estate agents expect up to 500 Russian families to descend this summer, following in the footsteps of super-rich visitors such as Roman Abramovich and splashing out up to €100,000 at a time to rent villas for the season – albeit a snip compared with the €20m reportedly paid out to buy the biggest villas nestling behind bougainvilleas between the broad beaches and Apuan Alps.

"Five million is the norm now, but if you go just a few miles inland prices drop by two thirds, which is where the locals have disappeared to," said a local estate agent, Umberto Giannecchini.

On the seafront, Humvees and Ferraris descend on beach clubs like Twiga, where €1,000 will reserve a table in the VIP section and Russians spend up to €15,000 on a night out.

It is all a far cry from Forte dei Marmi's 16th-century origins, when Michelangelo built a road from quarries inland to load marble on to waiting ships. The artistic tradition continued into the 20th century with the arrival of Thomas Mann, Aldous Huxley, Giacomo Puccini and Henry Moore, followed by industrial dynasties such as the Agnellis and the Morattis.

"Despite their wealth, the Italians here have always loved elegant simplicity and understatement," said hotelier Paolo Corchia, pointing to the tradition of CEOs and aristocrats shopping by bicycle at the town's family-run shops. Where those stores once proliferated, Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana and Miu Miu – with a shop window full of coyote fur stoles – now draw in the Russians.

The Milanese agree with the locals' revolt. "I want to bring the local artisans back in the centre," said Milly Moratti, wife of Inter Milan chairman Massimo, "the fabulous tailors and focaccia bread sellers I remember as a child that have been almost completely replaced by designer stores."

Holding out on Forte dei Marmi's main square is Vale, the bakery which has turned out focaccia since 1924. "We are thinking of selling up since our traditional clientele is dying out and the Russians don't like focaccia," said the owner, Daniela Nardine, though the mayor's intervention may yet change her mind.

Born and bred in Forte dei Marmi and the son of a tailor, Mayor Buratti said he is seeking to preserve a local culture handed down from the fierce tribes who defied the Roman empire and the Roman slaves who later settled, leaving traces of their accent in the local dialect. But he is not getting too misty eyed. "The locals were the first to profit from the rising house prices by selling up and buying houses in the hinterland," he said. "That is why there will be a ban on selling the new houses for 20 years."

If he can defend local stock from extinction, Buratti is happy for some of the Russians to stay, generously conceding that the visitors from the east have become more refined over the years.

"They have come a long way from the early 90s, when they would order the most expensive Brunello red on the menu then dilute it with water," he said. Locals recount how one oligarch even bought a bicycle and hired an Italian cycling champ to teach him to ride it.

But at the Piero beach club, a family-run bastion of old-fashioned wooden huts and blue-blooded sunbathers, the Russians are still few and far between. "Visitors here must understand you don't need to show off," said manager Roberto Santini. "The Russians come in, look around, wonder why we are a landmark, then leave."

As lifeguard Lionello Sacchelli watched over bathers including a former Italian finance minister and a football star, he recalled his favourite bather, Florentine aristocrat Anna Corsini, who was taking dips until she died last year at 98. "She was exquisite," he said. "She didn't care about designer labels and always said 'please' and 'thank you'."

Amateur Unearths 52,000 Roman Coins worth $1M in the UK

2010-07-10T22:41:00.000-07:00

London, England (CNN) -- An amateur treasure hunter armed with a metal detector has found over 52,000 Roman coins worth $1 million buried in field, one of the largest ever such finds in the UK, said the British Museum.

Dave Crisp, a hospital chef, came across the buried treasure while searching for "metal objects" in a field near Frome, Somerset in southwestern England.
Initially, Crisp found 21 coins, but when he unearthed the pot, he knew he needed archaeological help to excavate them.

The hoard contains 766 coins bearing an image of the Roman general Marcus Aurelius Carausius, who ruled Britain independently from AD 286 to AD 293 and was the first Roman emperor to strike coins in Britain.

Somerset County Council archaeologists excavated the pot -- a type of container normally used for storing food -- it weighed 160kg (350 pounds) and contained 52,500 coins.
The hoard was transferred to the British Museum in London where the coins were cleaned and recorded.

The coins date from AD 253 to 293 and most of them are made of debased silver or bronze.
Roger Bland, Head of Portable Antiquities and Treasure at the British Museum, told CNN: "Dave [Crisp] did the right thing, he didn't try to dig it all out. This is the largest ever find in a single pot and the second largest ever [in the UK].

"We think that whoever buried it didn't intend to come back to recover it. We can only guess why people buried treasure, some buried savings, others because they feared an invasion, perhaps this was an offering to the Gods."

Bland said the coins were probably worth about $1 million.

Dave Crisp, from Devizes in Wiltshire, told CNN: "At the time when I actually found the pot I didn't know what size it was but when the archaeologists came and started to uncover it, I was gobsmacked, I thought 'hell, this is massive.'"

Crisp, who describes himself as a "metal detectorist," unearthed the pot in April, although the discovery was officially announced on Thursday. Crisp told CNN he would have to split the value of the find with the farmer who owns the field in which he discovered the treasure.
Somerset Coroner Tony Williams is scheduled to hold an inquest on July 22 to formally determine whether the find is subject to the Treasure Act 1996. This would help towards determining a value of the hoard should any individual or organization want to buy it.

Source: BBC click here to see photos and video

Italian Beach Hotels to be powered by Solar Energy

2010-07-07T04:27:00.000-07:00

Germany-based Conergy has signed an agreement to build five solar installations with a total power output of 3.6 MW for Italy-based hotel group BluSerena. Conergy will install the power plants at the group's five beach resorts.

The hotel chain will power up to three-quarters of its hotel rooms using solar electricity, thereby saving up to 78% on electricity costs, according to Conergy. The installations are planned for resorts in Apulia, Sicily, Sardinia and Calabria. Currently, three of these power stations are under construction.

1,000,000 Vuvuzela's in Genova?

2010-07-05T04:11:00.000-07:00

If you've been following World Cup 2010 - you know what a vuvuzela is. Can you believe that Genova has orders 1,000,000 Vuvuzela's -- that's more than 1 per person. There's a young man across the street who used to play his nightly when the World Cup games were on - especially Italy. Can you imagine what lots of these would sound like?

Now ... if they played like the Germans it wouldn't be so bad. Check this out.

Garibaldi

2010-05-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

The photo above was taken on May 7, 2010 by my husband following the President of Italy's visit to Genoa on May 5th to commemorate Garibaldi's march of the redshirts. Garibaldi's statue in front of the Genoa Opera house is about 5 minutes from where we live. We really like the red cape on the statue. It makes for a great screen saver.

Giuseppe Garibaldi has been dubbed the "Hero of the Two Worlds" in tribute to his military expeditions in both South America and Europe. He is considered an Italian national hero as he led the insurrection that led to the freedom of Italian lands from the French and Austrians and led to the formation of modern Italy.

At the beginning of April 1860, uprisings in Messina and Palermo in the independent and peaceful Kingdom of the Two Sicilies provided Garibaldi with an opportunity. He gathered about a thousand volunteers (practically all northern Italians, and called i Mille (the Thousand), or, as popularly known, the Redshirts) in two ships named Piemonte and Lombardo, left from Genoa on May 5 in the evening and landed at Marsala, on the westernmost point of Sicily, on May 11.

Swelling the ranks of his army with scattered bands of local rebels, Garibaldi led 800 of his volunteers to victory over a 1500-strong enemy force on the hill of Calatafimi on May 15. He used the counter-intuitive tactic of an uphill bayonet charge; he had seen that the hill on which the enemy had taken position was terraced, and the terraces gave shelter to his advancing men. Although small by comparison with the coming clashes at Palermo, Milazzo and Volturno, this battle was decisive in terms of establishing Garibaldi's power in the island; an apocryphal but realistic story had him say to his lieutenant Nino Bixio, Qui si fa l'Italia o si muore, that is, Here we either make Italy, or we die. In reality, the Neapolitan forces were ill guided, and most of its higher officers had been bought out. The next day, he declared himself dictator of Sicily in the name of Victor Emmanuel II of Italy. He advanced then to Palermo, the capital of the island, and launched a siege on May 27. He had the support of many of the inhabitants, who rose up against the garrison, but before the city could be taken, reinforcements arrived and bombarded the city nearly to ruins. At this time, a British admiral intervened and facilitated an armistice, by which the Neapolitan royal troops and warships surrendered the city and departed.

Garibaldi had won a single victory. He gained worldwide renown and the adulation of Italians. Faith in his prowess was so strong that doubt, confusion, and dismay seized, even the Neapolitan court. Six weeks later, he marched against Messina in the east of the island. There was a ferocious and difficult battle at Milazzo, but Garibaldi won through. By the end of July, only the citadel resisted.

Having finished the conquest of Sicily, he crossed the Strait of Messina, with the help of the British Navy, and marched northward. Garibaldi's progress was met with more celebration than resistance, and on September 7 he entered the capital city of Naples, by train. Despite taking Naples, however, he had not to this point defeated the Neapolitan army. Garibaldi's volunteer army of 24,000 was not able to defeat conclusively the reorganized Neapolitan army (about 25,000 men) on September 30 at the Battle of Volturno. This was the largest battle he ever fought, but its outcome was effectively decided by the arrival of the Piedmontese Army. Following this, Garibaldi's plans to march on to Rome were jeopardized by the Piedmontese, technically his ally but unwilling to risk war with France, whose army protected the Pope. (The Piedmontese themselves had conquered most of the Pope's territories in their march south to meet Garibaldi, but they had deliberately avoided Rome, his capital.) Garibaldi chose to hand over all his territorial gains in the south to the Piedmontese and withdrew to Caprera and temporary retirement. Some modern historians consider the handover of his gains to the Piedmontese as a political defeat, but he seemed willing to see Italian unity brought about under the Piedmontese crown. The meeting at Teano between Garibaldi and Victor Emmanuel II is the most important event in modern Italian history, but is so shrouded in controversy that even the exact site where it took place is in doubt.

Source: Wikipedia

A Possible Solar Bubble in Italy?

2010-05-12T05:23:00.000-07:00

The world's photovoltaic industry is heading for a shake-out with big Chinese and US manufacturers of solar modules competing for dominance in Europe as smaller companies suffer from a collapse of prices and lower subsidies.

Executives speaking at the Italian PV Summit and trade fair in Verona last week were heartened by higher forecasts of demand for solar power made by the Paris-based International Energy Agency but they also warned of the dangers of a bubble forming in fast-growing Italy following the bursting of the Spanish market last year.

Ingmar Wilhelm, vice-president of Enel's renewables division, said the Italian utility did not intend to take part in the expected consolidation process. Enel is investing with Sharp of Japan and STMicroelectronics, a joint Italian-French company, in a plant in Sicily to produce modules using the latest triple-junction thin-film technology.

Executives spoke of the "pain" and "turbulence" in the solar modules market last year and stressed the importance of governments, particularly Italy, making sustainable, long-term decisions on feed-in tariffs - the subsidies paid for the electricity produced as the industry moves towards "grid parity" where its prices are competitive with other sources.

Source Financial times. Read the full article here.

Eni-MIT Solar Frontiers Research Center

2010-05-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

Susan Hockfield, MIT's president, and Paolo Scaroni, CEO of Italian oil company Eni, on Tuesday officially dedicated the Eni-MIT Solar Frontiers Research Center. Eni invested $5 million into the center, which is also receiving a $2 million National Science Foundation grant, said Vladimir Bulovic, the center's director.

The center has recently reported the ability to print solar cells on paper.

For more details about the MIT research, click here.

Italy Is A Smart Grid Pioneer

2010-03-31T00:10:00.000-07:00

In the early days of commercial electric power, transmission of electric power at the same voltage as used by lighting and mechanical loads restricted the distance between generating plant and consumers.

In 1882 electrical plants produced only direct current.   However, because different users required different voltages electricity specialization of lines and because transmission was so inefficient that generators needed to be near their loads, it seemed at the time that the industry would develop into what is now known as a distributed generation system with large numbers of small generators located nearby their loads.

One of the earliest pioneers of long distance electrical transmission was built in Cerchi, Italy in 1886.

On May 16, 1888, Nikola Tesla delivered a lecture entitled A New System of Alternating Current Motors and Transformers, describing the equipment which allowed efficient generation and use of polyphase alternating currents. The transformer, and Tesla's polyphase and single-phase induction motors, were essential for a combined AC distribution system for both lighting and machinery. Ownership of the rights to the Tesla patents was a key advantage to the Westinghouse Company in offering a complete alternating current power system for both lighting and power. Regarded as one of the most influential electrical innovations, the universal system used transformers to step-up voltage from generators to high-voltage transmission lines.

By allowing multiple generating plants to be interconnected over a wide area, electricity production cost was reduced. The most efficient available plants could be used to supply the varying loads during the day. Reliability was improved and capital investment cost was reduced, since stand-by generating capacity could be shared over many more customers and a wider geographic area. Remote and low-cost sources of energy, such as hydroelectric power or mine-mouth coal, could be exploited to lower energy production cost.

The rapid industrialization in the 20th century made electrical transmission lines and grids a critical part of the infrastructure in most industrialized nations. Interconnection of local generation plants and small distribution networks was greatly spurred by the requirements of World War I, where large electrical generating plants were built by governments to provide power to munitions factories. Later these plants were connected to supply civil load through long-distance transmission.

Nikola Tesla's ideas have served us well for 120 years - but now with concerns about global warming, increased dependence on electrical appliances, developments in information technology and renewable energy - there is a need for for an even more efficient and optimizing system.   This new concept, which is referred to as the smart grid.

The earliest, and still largest, example of a smart grid is the Italian system installed by Enel S.p.A. of Italy. Completed in 2005, the Telegestore project was highly unusual in the utility world because the company designed and manufactured their own meters, acted as their own system integrator, and developed their own system software. The Telegestore project is widely regarded as the first commercial scale use of smart grid technology to the home, and delivers annual savings of 500 million euro at a project cost of 2.1 billion euro.

Let's hear it for Italian engineering and innovation.   In my opinion it doesn't get the worldwide recognition that it deserves.

The Whale Says Thank You

2010-03-10T05:57:00.000-08:00

If you read a recent front page story of the SF Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale that had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate ) and radioed an environmental group for help.

Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her. They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her.

When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles.

She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around...she was thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives.

The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you.

And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.

I pass this on to you, my friends, in the same spirit

Italy To Plug In Idling Cruise Ships

2010-02-24T04:13:00.000-08:00

Italian port cities are planning to connect large ships like cruise liners to the grid while they're berthed to cut fuel consumption and potentially slash carbon dioxide emissions by 30 percent and nitrogen oxides and particulate pollution by more than 95 percent.

Venice, Paolo Costa, La Spezia and Lorenzo Forcieri are all expected to install new equipment to allow the ships to plug in to shore-side electricity. Other cities around the world are experimenting with the same idea, including Los Angeles and Goteborg, Sweden, hoping to eliminate the fuel needs and emissions of onboard generators.

The Italian electricity utility Enel foresees large reductions in pollution and fuel consumption from the practice, but since so far only a few ships are compatible with on-shore electricity, we won't know the full benefits until ports and ships are equipped and the generators are turned off.

Written by Megan Treacy on 02/02/10

English Language Humor

2010-02-07T08:43:00.000-08:00

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH (you might need an Italian English dictionary for these):

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED
PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS" ?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Things in Italy are Better than in Dubai

2010-01-15T04:44:00.000-08:00

Thousands of children are forced to miss daytime school

Kathryn Lewis

Last Updated: December 26. 2009 12:42AM UAE / December 25. 2009 8:42PM GMT

Basma Yaslam, 10, from Yemen , left, and Noor Gawdat, 9, from Palestine, attend night classes at the National Charity School in Dubai. Nicole Hill / The National

DUBAI // One in seven children in Dubai is not receiving regular daytime schooling and instead attends classes in the afternoon or the evening, according to education authorities.

The figure, a total of 27,000 children missing from regular classes, was released to The National by the Knowledge and Human Development Authority (KHDA), which oversees schools in Dubai.

A further 1,300 children are on waiting lists to get into abridged classes at charity schools, at which fees can be as little as Dh4,000 (US$1,100) a year compared with several times that amount for private schools. Several Indian and Pakistani schools offer afternoon shifts, along with charity schools.

Charity schools, a network of bare-bones academies that cater to the children of low-income Arab expatriates, offer afternoon and evening classes for those who cannot afford daytime private education. The catch is that charity classes offer fewer classroom hours, and teachers at some schools are working double shifts to cope.

“The numbers have increased because of the economic state of the parents,” said Mohammed Robin Edris, the general director of National Charity Schools (NCS). “Many of them have decreased salaries, and many lost their jobs.”

He said there had been a flood of new applicants to the three branches of the Arabic-language charity schools in Dubai, Sharjah and Ajman.

One woman who moved her daughter to NCS this year after her wages were cut said: “I am the only one working and I can not afford to pay Hanan’s fees and the rent.” A year ago she was paying Dh16,000 for a private day school. Now she is paying around Dh4,000 to send her daughter to NCS in the evening.

At least 800 new children enrolled in the charity schools this autumn – some of them taking the places of what Dr Edris called an unusually high number of families leaving the country. “All of them have left either because they lost their jobs or because the money isn’t enough to support a family,” he said.

The school opened a branch in Ajman this year to provide space for more students, but there are still 1,059 children on the NCS waiting list. Demand remains highest in the northern emirates.

“We need another school in Sharjah,” Dr Edris said. “I have about 40 buses carrying students from Dubai to Sharjah and Ajman.”

The National Charity School was established in 1983 by the Emirati businessman and philanthropist Juma al Majid around the time that public schools stopped admitting the children of Arab expatriates working in the private sector.

Expatriates were allowed back into state schools in 2006, but only in limited numbers: no more than one in five pupils can be non-Emirati, and to be eligible students must pass entrance exams.

Those who do qualify also pay tuition fees to the Government.

Over the past decade, enrolment at the NCS has nearly doubled, and the schools are now at full capacity at 10,259 students.

“There are smart students, some of them get the highest grades on the secondary national exam, but life forces them to live this way,” Dr Edris said. “It is not healthy. You think the teacher’s brain is working for 12 hours. No, it’s not.”

Dr Edris pointed to other problems with evening sessions: the school day is shorter, ending at 8.30pm, and it has a negative effect on family life.

“We have to give them only four hours,” he said. “We can’t keep them until midnight. Our teachers, they have to go home, sleep, spend some time with their families. It is very painful.”

Dr Edris said 75 per cent of the teaching staff in the boys’ school worked a double shift. The rest come from Dubai’s public and private schools, working at night to supplement low wages.

“This is the only way to cope with the situation,” he said.

klewis@thenational.ae

SOME CORRECTIONS TO MY ARTICLE ON PREMIER BERLUSCONI

2009-12-15T02:15:00.000-08:00

I knew it! The Media got their facts wrong - again. The replica of the Duomo which Massimo Tartaglia, Prime Minister Berlusconi's assailant hurled at his face was neither metallic nor matrble; it was made of plastic. Even so, an object replicating a Gothic cathedral with its spires) pointed and sharp if thrown with great force can do considerable damage.

Tartaglia has apologized to Berlusconi. His apology was accepted. Why ever not? Berlusconi has never been nor will he ever be a vengeful man. He is not one to nurse grudges. Indeed, he is very generous towards his friends, wives, girlfriends and occasional mates for the night.

I have had more than my share of professional contacts with Berlusconi. I conducted a radio show "CIAO BABY" which was under the aegis of his Fouth Channel. Only jazz and ethnic music was played. Sponsors begged to participate commercially.

Berlusconi was a dream boss. He never interfered with my opinions which rarely wavered from the controversial, the hard hitting and the some times inflammatory.

Here are two examples off the top of my head of the many instances of non-interference with editorial content.

In a program on Brazil; songs from Vinicius de Morais, Antonio "Tony" Carlos Jobim, Toquinho, Ellis Regina, Gaetano Veloso,to name but a few formed an integral part of the show. And then I uttered the statement which created a row.

"Brazil is a stunningly beautiful almost never ending land mass with a population of 100 million people, 99.9% are desperately poor and the remaining 1% are disgustingly rich. They also don't care about the plight of the 99.9%. Why they don't even see it! So why don't the poor rise up in revolt against this constant abuse and injustice? One word is the answer: CARNAVAL. Take away carnaval and the Brazilian people will initiate a revolution the likes of which the Reign of Terror in the French Revolution would seem like Trick or Treat."

The Brazilian Ambassador to the Quirinale, was a frequent guest at my Villa of the Saracen in Bellosguardo, Florence. He made a formal protest to the Chairman of the Board of Mediaset - Silvio Berlusconi. He also told me he was very hurt at my" betrayal."

"Brava Cara!. Keep up the controversy. Bene Bene. Every paper and television newscaster is yakking about your declarations. I have visited Brazil. The misery is too awful. Certainly, you are not retracting any part of your statement, Ciao, again, Brava."

On the Anniversay of the bombing of Pearl Harbor I played swing music which was popular at the time both i Hawaii as well as in Manila. 'The Japanese bombed both cities on the same day. The American papers only singled out the naval air station of Pearl Harbor, because Manila was the capital of the American Empire, the Philippines their only colony

"As a Republic, America felt uncomfortable exposing the fact that it had a Pacific Empire in order to thwart Japan's hegemony there. News can only be swept under the palm and coconut trees for so long and then the ugly truth comes out. On December 10th 1941, the Japanese invaded the Philippines, entering through its Northern island mass of Luzon. The Chief of the Armed Forces was a charismatic, handsome, tall, individualistic General "who took no crap from nobody" Douglas MacArthur. Back in the States, he was the country's most loved and popular hero so thousands of cats flew out of their bags."

The American Ambassador and the Japanese Ambassador not only sent letters of protest hand delivered by couriers to Silvio Berlusconi in Milan, it was CC. to me as well. Several hundred Americans,most of whom I knew as either friends and acquaintances, protested peacefully in front of the Piazza which housed Channel Four's radio and television studios.

"Stay away from the windows." my sound engineer warned me.

Berlusconi rang as I knew he would.

"Ciao Cara. Ho ricevuto le lettere.I have received their letters. You know what? I am going to ignore it. I shall reply a couple of weeks from today. Who knows, maybe I won't. I suppose few journalists would dare say anything. Indeed, they wouldn't even mention Pearl Harbor. But there you are, you are you, and CIAO BABY has very high ratings! Even the prison population listens to you faithfully and regularly."

"Really Silvio, they're locked up for the love of God. What else can they do?"

" Don't you know that those in prison and in jails are sought after as highly prized audiences? I mean Radio Dimensione Suono, Rai Radio and Radio Montecarlo are in there trying to crack your ratings to no avail. They have no one even remotely similar to you. Keep it up."

How did this electronics engineer Massimo Tartaglia penetrate the wall of body guards? For one thing, Berlusconi likes being in the fray, he is a gregarious and social individual. When the attack took place, he was signing autographs.

I think he should rid himself of all those macho men and follow Muammar Ghadaffi's example.

" You should only trust women," said the Muslim Leader of Libya.

His bodyguards are all AMAZONS. What's more, most are Serbians.

Get well soon, Silvio. I like you, you have always been troppo simpatico to me. It will take more than a plastic replica of the Duomo used as a "shuriken" ( ninjas still use them because they are effective) to keep you down. He did manage to cut your unlined botoxed face, but it's a small matter. Cosmetic surgeons can patch you up like new. What are you rich for?

Will you ever be the same jolly, good-natured political seducer and womanizer that amuses me so?

ARE WE GOING TO SEE MORE ATTACKS ON WORLD "LEADERS'?

2009-12-14T04:14:00.000-08:00

Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was attacked by a mentally unstable man( or so says the Media) as he was on his way to his armor-plated limousine in Milan's Duomo after a political speech made to his supporters. He was struck in the face by a miniature metallic replica of the Duomo. According to a medical report from San Raffaele Hospital, he suffered two fractured front teeth, cuts on his lips which required 7 stitches, and lesions on his nose.

I don't have any statements to make. Just questions.

1. His attacker, Massimo Tartaglia is an electronics engineer, not an insignificant accomplishment. Again, the Media, owned and controlled by Berlusconi except for LA REPUBBLICA, whose major shareholder is his political and social adversary, tycoon Carlo de Benedetti; but in cases like attempts to injure or to kill a politicaL or financial Leader, the Media closes ranks.

You tend to read much the same thing in the same words, commas, and hyphens in all the newspapers, statements to the Press, twitters on the Internet, and endless news on television. Boring.

The electronics engineer, Tartaglia was not out of work. His Papa owned the establishment where he was employed.

Is the company in the midst of a financial or union turmoil?
What is the history of this company?

2. I know several friends who are still seeing psychiatrists, even after 15 years or longer. I think even Roman Polanski has not ceased to see one for 30 years. Does this mean a priori that ALL the people I have cited above are mentally disturbed?

Am I missing a syllogism here somewhere that talking regularly to a shrink signifies mental illness?
Is there even a credible syllogism to be made here?

3. I happen to think that many of our present Leaders of the Ha! Ha! Free World are anything but all there. Why? Because they are only too human and what's more they are of an inferior quality else the real power brokers would never have allowed them access to the most powerful positions in their respective nations. By my sententious statement that they are inferior human beings, I mean that they lack: Conscience, Ethics, Courage, Integrity,Honesty, Compassion, Loyalty and Morality.

Just take a look at the Leaders of WW2.

One was a drunken manic-depressive(Oops! the euphemism today is a Bi-Polar disorder.) who had suffered heart attacks and a couple of strokes. All, while serving in office and thinking he and he alone was conducting a War. (Winston Churchill)

Another was an opium addict, whose complications from a long term polio-myelitis certainly affected his brain and his day to day reasoning. The pain never left him so how could he function? Others suggested or pressured him into making unwise decisions for the country. His political beliefs tended to lean heavily to the Left. (Franklin Delano Roosevelt)

Yet another one was diagnosed with Parkinson's Syndrome as early as 1934. His doctors treated him with ever increasing doses of amphetamines mixed with cocaine injections and steroids. This concoctions create feelings of persecution alternating with sensations of immortality. ( Adolf Hitler)

And of course there was Uncle Joe Stalin. Roosevelt in his sick mind was so bowled over by dear old Uncle Joe he caved in to all his murderous demands. Stalin is probably the most perfect example the world has ever seen in the 20th century of a psychopath-sociopath.

None of these Leaders, so far as I know was ever seen by a psychiatrist. Only in the last 10 or 15 years have historians(thanks to the Internet) dared to write the evil secrets of these 4 men.

4. The attack on Berluscon is being blamed by his party and his cohorts on a climate of "Hate" swirling around Italy. Merde! The conditions set up by Berlusconi and Bossi ( who is so xenophobic he makes Xenophon look like the late Senator Edward Moore Kennedy) created this negativity and nasty feelings.

5. There is no doubt that a state of tension exists between the people and its Leaders. This is palpable in
London,Edinburgh, Madrid, Rome, Milan, Paris, Berlin and Lisbon. Notice that I have deliberately left out the U. S. Asia, the Middle East and Africa. Well, don't gloat, they are in the same feces. The do-nothing- just- keep- spinning- Leaders have lied and lied and lied and the voters, the people have lost patience if not hope.

6. Where was the Secret Service, the CIRPE assigned to protect Berlusconi? They claimed to have received reports that an exalted mad man might be on the loose looking to harm the Prime Minister. Really??? So, where did the lot of you go? The most serious problem of all spies and security fellows is that they lack imagination. They are trapped inside the box.

7. The Electronics Engineer, Tartaglia had no criminal record not even a traffic ticket. Since he was close enough to do some damage to the PM: keep in mind that Berlusconi was hurt in the face, mouth and nose. Another centimeter or even less and he might have indeed lost an eye. Therefore, he was close enough to throw a dagger straight at his jugular or carotid artery. He did not. In his pockets police found another small replica of the Duomo and a small can of pepper spray. A true martial arts Sifu/Sensei could have hurled the metallic statuette of the Duomo as he would a shuriken with such force that he could have smashed his windpipe with little or no effort.

8. What kind of half-assed attack was this? A rehearsal? Could Tartaglia possible be a mind control asset? I hope I am very wrong on this one.

9. Indira Gandhi once told me during a brief moment of relaxation on her trip to Rome." Bella, I try not to worry because if someone truly wants to get me, they will, even if it takes them years to do so."

N. B. In his novel THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO by Alexandre Dumas (Pere), Edmond Dantes, the protagonist, waited 20 long years before exacting revenge on every single individual who had wronged him and had participated in his unjust and reprehensible incarceration.

The Giraffe Test

2009-11-08T07:53:00.000-08:00

This test consists of 4 questions: Stop and Think about and decide on your answers before you scroll down:

Q1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals Attend .... Except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.? This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and You do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Incidentally my eight year old grandson Niccolo" who turned 8 in October, He's Scorpio answered all questions correctly and quickly.

"It's just common sense and logic Nonna," he told me.

"KEEP IT SIMPLE."

That was Confucius - Kung Fu Tzu's maxim.

Those clowns at Andersen Consulting and everywhere else this giraffe test would have been presented,
would have failed abysmally because their minds are too cluttered with rubbish.

They think Simplicity is bad. WRONG!

Why Celebrate Columbus Day?

2009-11-07T04:04:00.000-08:00

Why celebrate Columbus Day?

Americans first celebrated "Columbus Day" in New York City in 1792 to honor the 300th anniversary of the "discovery" of America. It has been celebrated annually since 1920 on or around October 12th.

Who was Columbus? According to Wikipedia It is commonly, although not universally, believed that Christopher Columbus was born between 25 August and 31 October 1451 in Genoa, part of modern Italy.^[4] His father was Domenico Colombo, a middle-class wool weaver, who later also had a cheese stand where Christopher was a helper, working both in Genoa and Savona. His mother was Susanna Fontanarossa. Bartolomeo, Giovanni Pellegrino and Giacomo were his brothers.

He was a navigator, colonizer and explorer whose voyages across the Atlantic Ocean led to general European awareness of the American continents in the Western Hemisphere. With his four voyages of exploration and several attempts at establishing a settlement on the island of Hispaniola, all funded by Isabella I of Castile, he initiated the process ofSpanish colonization which foreshadowed general European colonization of the "New World."

Although he "discovered" a new world for the Europeans - he never reached continental America. The first European to do that is believed to be Lief Erikson (Norse) who, according to the Sagas of Icelanders, established a Norse settlement at Vinland in 1002 or 1003, which has been tentatively identified with the L'Anse aux Meadows Norse site on the northern tip of the island of Newfoundland in Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada. By the way in 1964 the US government authorized October 9th to be celebrated as Lief Ericson Day - the date was not chosen because of any significant feat of Lief Ericson - but because that was the first day a ship from Norway came to the USA (after it was independent).

Back to Columbus. He never reached America. He discovered an island in the Bahamas (Caribbean). This island was inhabited by the Arawak. Since he had been searching for a shorter route to India ... he named these people "Indios".

Ok -- so as far as the Europeans were concerned he discovered a new world -- at a time when Europe was entering into its Colonization period. But what did he do with this discovery?

Columbus went back to the Bahamas 3 different times. According to the records - when he arrived he though the people were attractive and very generous. But Columbus was anxious to prove the worth of his discovery to his benefactors and supporters and was convinced there was gold there. Only there wasn't - so what did Columbus do? He tortured the "indios" to get them to tell him where the gold was -- by hanging, cutting off the hands of all males over 14 years old, taking the women as sex slaves for his men, feeding the babies to his dogs, etc. But no gold. So what did he do -- he brought back "slaves" to Europe.

At the time some historians believe the population of this area was around 3 million -- within 50 years of Columbus's "discovery", most of the Arawak had either been killed or died from disease. So should we celebrate this "achievement". This would be like asking the Turks to celebrate the birthday of Vlad the Impaler.

What do you think?

For more information regarding Columbus check out this video from Brass Checks TV: http://brasschecktv.com/page/142.html.

The Humor of Misunderstanding

2009-08-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

Which Way To The Restroom?

A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter.

After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.

"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.

Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.

As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember, this is a very friendly community.

EVVIVA VENEZIA!

2009-08-03T23:45:00.001-07:00

We are all aware that Venice is vanishing before our very eyes. Even the gorgeous pink and light rosee stones know that. Like writer Mary McCarthy, I find Venice a very feminine city as opposed to Florence which is truly masculine. This has nothing to do with the so called "nurturing" spirit of the female. Indeed, the Venetians plundered, pillaged, burnt, raped, and slaughtered with a ruthlessness and a viciousness that would have paled King Vladimir(Vlad) the Impaler. That is saying a great deal.

It was their arrogance which drove them during the epoch of ancient Rome to build stilts on mud and silt. True, the Lagoon was astonishingly beautiful. What is man good for if not to defy the Gods?

But there are too many millions of humanity who visit Venice. It is a city of 50,000 people and they cannot cope in any way, shape or form.

Mayor Massimo Cacciari, a philosopher, linguist(he speaks Latin, German, ancient Greek, Arabic and Persian) has turned into the Lee Kuan Yew of the Adriatic. Bravo for him!

Woe to those who discard anything on the street. it is punishable by a heavy fine.

Entering any fountain to cool off one's toesies is VERBOTEN. That too will earn one a sizeable fine.

Never, never feed the pigeons or doves. They are carriers of meningitis and other horrible maladies. The city of Venice has embarked on a vast extermination campaign. Do not be deceived by their sweet cu-cu-rru-cu-cus - these birds are deadly. It's either they or us.

Even God may not be in a condition to help you if you jump into the Lagoon or into one of it's canals. Not only is it dangerous because of the vaporettos(water taxis) but some of the waters are still polluted with petrol and other chemicals plus the E coli and strep and staph which abound in the jade green waters. So, on top of a debilitating illness, you will be faced with a fine of 3,000 Euros.

Tourists on tour buses must be armed with their own toilet paper or else they will be charged for their use on the public toilets.

Restaurants will not allow a tourist to use its facilities unless they buy a cup of espresso or caffe latte. Minimum cost is 13 Euros. We prefer nice tourists who spend beaucoup loot not beggars.

Gondoleers may NOT sing O Sole Mio, Turna Surriento, Funiculi, Funicula or other Neapolitan songs requested by their clients. This is La Serenissima - Venice, for Criminy's sake!!!

They must also not solicit clients. They exist to give the city a unique color, not necessarily to ferry noisy and drunken tourists through the canals and caletas.It is expensive to hire a Gondola. It has always been thus. Prices

will go up by 30% to avoid the hoi polloi.

UNESCO declared Venice a treasure of humanity. Ahime! Some members of Humanity don't treasure Venice as they should. The presence of the Italian Army is to ensure that it does.

Moroccan and Senegalese sidewalk vendors cannot display and hawk their wares in Piazza San Marco under pain of heavy fines and/or jail if the offenses are recidivist. The vendors will have their very own market place farther away from Canareggio. I am all for free enterprise but please don't let your wares clash with the aesthetics of the place. Piazza San Marco is sacred. Hai capito?

Mayor Cacciari has called in the Army to assist him in implementing these rules. Tourists, rich and poor are miffed.

"Don't come to Venice," he says rather tartly.

I have some other rules to suggest to Mayor Cacciari.

There should be a Venetian Visitor's tax on every living soul who comes to Venice. The super rich;we know straight away who they are because they head for the Hotel Cipriani, the Gritti, Danieli, Excelsior in the Lido, the Monaco etc. must pay a minimum tax of 500 Euros which is automatically tacked on their hotel bill.

Every tourist on a bus should pay 30 Euros each, no ifs or buts. I think it should be included in the price of the ticket. Private jets should pay a special landing tax, to be determined by the modern day Doges of the city. The rich can be notoriously miserly. I know this for a fact. I have witnessed it many times within members of my own clan. Well, they are going to have to lump it if they wish to luxuriate in the enchantment and sorcery of Venice.

Passengers on trains and airplanes should do their part as well. Since the Italian State Railroad has raised the prices of tickets to Venice this should be studied carefully. In any case, foreigners should pay more than Italians. Few Italians go to Venice in the spring and summer because they have their own homes by the sea or in the countryside.

Ah! yes. The Casino in Venice. There should be a surcharge for gambling. Another one when a high roller wins. What is one rich for? I have never heard of anyone with the ability to take his liquidity with him. So, cough up.

What's that? The rich will all troop to Montecarlo ? Merde! Let them. Montecarlo is beautiful BUT would you dare compare it to the Laguna, the shimmering Palazzos at night, the sorcery? the magic? the emotions and fierce passions of Venice? Get real.

I have splendid memories of Venice. One is lying on the floor of a majestic gondola which reminded me of a Viking ship because its sail was in red and white stripes. My companion and cavalier, Baron Philippe de Rothschild and I lay swaddled in furs against the night chill. He recited/declaimed the quatrains of Omar Khayam, the Ghazals of Hafiz and the Mathnawis of Rumi.

Count Vittorio Cini was perhaps Venice's greatest benefactor in the 20th century. We became deeply infatuated with each other. Our love affair lasted until he died, although it never degenerated into sex.

"Young beautiful bodies belong together," he told me.

He was 90 and looked 50. I was almost 33. Nearly two meters tall, sharp and dark golden eyes, the eyes of a raptor. His skin was a mixture of cream and strawberries for he loved sailing on the Adriatic. He had a marriage of sorts to a fascinating woman who could almost be called an explorer. His two daughters reminded me of King Lear's Goneril and Regan.

Come September La Serenissima holds its Regatta. On that occasion Vittorio's yacht flew my clan's royal colors high on the mast. I was transported back to 17th and 18th century Venice. I smiled and kissed his hand. One could show admiration, love and respect to a 90 year old Titan.

Count Cini's myriad industries in Mestre and elswhere in the Veneo had been partly responsible for the "acqua alta" the annual flooding of the Piazza di San Marco. how does one scold a personage of Vittorio's calibre? Doubtless he knew which is why the Cini Foundation is very engage in all artistic and social matters pertaining to Venice.

Our family's ties go back to the 18th century when the Hapsburgs ruled Venice and the surrounding areas. One of my ancestors donated what today would amount to $8 million U.S. to build new locks, closures and fortify existing ones. This took place in 1846. The commemorative plaque is still in place. When Venice had its cataclysmic flood in 1966, historians angrily denounced the fact that the locks had not been maintained since 1846, when Count Mikal von Vacani had donated the famous sum of money. Indeed, the Italian authorities had not spent a cent since then.

The Moses project to save what's left of Venice has seen a series of stops and starts. Governments are notoriously slow in disbursing funds. N. B. The monies have been allocated from the EU and private financiers. If all goes well, Moses should be completed by 2012. I have my doubts as do most Venetians.If anything can go awry it inevitably will. Hope is the last thing one loses. The Venetians will die first before their La Serenissima vanishes from the face of the earth.

Let's face it. Venice does not have a particularly positive karma. Yet they have managed to create vast fortunes through their ruthless and pitiless nature hidden under a deadly charm. Most of their treasures such as the lions of San Marco were plundered from Byzantium. Later, their wealthy nobility commissioned artists like Titian, Bellini, Tintoretto, and Canaletto. Their banks granted loans to the entire world in the 16th, 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries at high rates of interest.

Lest we forget Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice. A superb psychological study of human nature; the wealthy shipowners who took shuddering risks, the brilliant women of Venice and its ruthless moneylenders. One of them was Shylock, a Jew. The play is hardly performed these days except in Venice. Some individuals, elsewhere in the world fear being termed anti-semitic. Not so the sophisticated Venetians. It's part of their history. Some of the most illustrious families are Sephardic Judean in origin. Most of all they consider themselves Venetian.

They forked up money to merchants in Arabia, Istanbul, Peking, Delhi, Lebanon and Scotland. Tis said that British royalty intermarried with many of these royal Venetian bankers, centuries ago because their wealth, exquisite manners, good looks and penises dazzled them.

EVVIVA VENEZIA!

Stove of the future?

2009-06-02T00:59:00.000-07:00

Showy chefs can demonstrate their uncanny dexterity with Rendezvous, a table that doubles as a rangetop.

This design concept uses new technology that's just about ready for the mass market: induction electronics, arranged in random cooking zones.

No plugging in for you — just place a blender or electronic frying pan on its surface and it magically soaks up the electricity, cooking in no time.

Its slide-out drawers can be warming trays or refrigeration units. And check out those radical controls embedded in the side. Once you're done cooking or mixing, it's ready to perform its other function as a spacey-looking kitchen table.

Follow the link below to take a look at more pictures of this table/cooktop of the future from Electrolux Global Design at http://dvice.com/archives/2009/05/electrolux-indu.php

For more cool kitchen ideas that will be appearing in stores in the near future - check out the 9 new products selected in the electrolux design competition by visiting
http://dvice.com/archives/2008/09/electrolux-desi.php

Why Mistakes are Good when Learning English

2009-05-31T00:56:00.000-07:00

Fail Faster, Succeed Sooner

When you use Listen and Answer in English, do you make mistakes? Probably you do.

Is it bad to make mistakes when you speak?

No. Its not bad. Its not bad to make mistakes-- its only bad to think about grammar rules.

To speak English easily, you must make a lot of mistakes. You MUST. In fact, the more mistakes you make, the faster you will improve.

The most important thing is that you MUST feel relaxed when speaking.

Make mistakes. Have fun. Don't think about grammar rules-- just communicate quickly.

You must feel relaxed. You must have fun with the language. When you do that, you will improve very quickly.

Soon, you will be making fewer mistakes! You improve automatically.

Speed is more important than perfection. That's right -- focus on being fast. Focus on understand faster and faster.

Listen to songs in English -- sing a long. Read my blogs out loud.

Smile! Laugh! Practice frequently.

You will be suprised how much better you will get ... and faster.

Startling Italian Research

2009-05-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

Pollution Changes DNA in Three Days

Polluted air may devastate human DNA to the point of reprogramming genes in just three days, leaving people vulnerable to lung cancer and other diseases, according to a new Italian study.

The researchers, who discovered rapid DNA damage in Italian steel workers who breathed polluted foundry air, say it might happen to anyone living in a large city.

The study examined 63 healthy people who were exposed routinely to particulate matter while they worked in a steel mill in Brescia, Italy, and. The air around steel foundries usually has about 10 times more particulate matter than normal air, and a larger percentage of the particles are metals.

During the work week, two blood DNA samples were taken from the workers, one sample on the first day of the week before they were heavily exposed to the foundry air, and the other sample after several days on the job. A comparison of the samples showed changes in four genes that are believed to suppress tumors.

The workers’ DNA was damaged to the point that the rate of a body process called “methylation” was slowed, the researchers said. Methylation is a normal, ongoing biological process in which genes are organized into different groups. The slowing of methylation in the workers meant that fewer groups and therefore fewer genes were expressed and made into proteins, which is vital to the regular maintenance of the body. Such a reduction also has been observed in the DNA of lung cancer patients.

Study leader Andrea Baccarelli of the University of Milan said previous research has demonstrated that older people in Boston had DNA damage from particulate matter. However, Baccarelli said, “Our results need to be confirmed in air pollution studies before they can be extended to the general population.”

On a hopeful note, the research team raised the possibility that methylation damage can be ameliorated with folic acid, a vitamin found in many foods. “We found that subjects with higher intakes of methyl nutrients were protected from some of the cardiac effects of particulate matter,” Baccarelli said.

Berlusconi says he is World's Most Popular Leader

2009-05-05T01:47:00.000-07:00

Article from: Reuters (May 2, 2009)

ITALIAN Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who has compared himself to Jesus Christ and Napoleon, boasted today that he was the world's most popular leader.

The conservative premier, in his third term in office, said opinion poll findings in his possession showed his popularity at just over 75 per cent, making him far more popular than US President Barack Obama - or any other head of government.

"The opinion polls I know say that he (Obama) is at 59 per cent. Only (Brazilian President Luiz Inacio) Lula tops 60 per cent - he is at 64 per cent. So mine is a record high," he said in Naples where he attended a May Day concert.

On his way out of the concert hall, the 72-year-old Mr Berlusconi - who has proclaimed himself the Jesus Christ of Italian politics and once said he was second only to Napoleon, except taller - was heckled by protesters who shouted "go away!".

Commentators agree Mr Berlusconi enjoys high popularity ratings despite the economic crisis - the International Monetary Fund expects Italy's economy to contract by 4.4 per cent this year - although perhaps not as high as he claims.

A poll published last month by left-leaning La Repubblica daily said support for Mr Berlusconi stood at 56 per cent and had risen in April for the first time since October thanks to his hands-on response to a deadly earthquake.

Mr Berlusconi, who regularly complains of unfair treatment by the media despite directly or indirectly controlling 90 percent of Italy's television, put his own popularity at 75.1 per cent.

"These are independent surveys, but they are not promptly published," he said.

By the way - more than 100 million people have now seen Susan Boyle's video. That's more than all the Italians in Italy -- so who is really the most popular?

Don't judge a Book by its Cover

2009-04-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

The phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" rarely refers to books at all - and is usually used to advise the listener to keep an open mind about people, places, things and of course books - in short it can be used to describe anything. Basically, the phrase is used to suggest that despite appearances or specifically, first impressions - if you look further you will find something of greater value.

The most recent example is Susan Boyle. Shown in the picture above - she recently appeared on British Television. When she came out - most people were very skeptical - but when she began to sing she surprised everybody with her beautiful voice. For Italians - familiar with San Remo - the British show gives a chance to pure amateurs to appear - but that day, most had not been too impressive and when they first saw Susan Boyle - they did not think she would be impressive either.

But in the case of Susan Boyle ... her performance was way beyond her looks. To see her performance and the crowd reaction - go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk

If you liked that performance and want to hear another song by Susan Boyle then check out her version of Cry Me A River at http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/2009/04/16/exclusive-susan-boyle-s-first-ever-song-release-revealed-listen-to-it-here-86908-21283564/

Hopefully, now you better understand the saying "don't judge a book by its cover".

Paolo Bacigalupi - Author

2009-04-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

If you like sci-fi - with an emphasis on ecological themes - then you might be interested in reading the works of Paulo Bacigalupi.

"Paolo Bacigalupi is one of the most exciting of the new breed of short story writers, one whose ecological focus, unflinching penchant for hard truth, and exacting prose is garnering attention inside and outside of the genre."

He is a four-time Hugo Award Nominee, a Nebula Nominee, and the winner of the Theodore Sturgeon Award for best science fiction short story of the year. His novel THE WINDUP GIRL will be released this fall from Night Shade Books.

To read a very interesting interview regarding his views on what he thinks the future will be like and and what we can do to change it - go to: http://www.ecogeek.org/content/view/2665/73/

To learn more about this author and to learn more about some of his award winning short stories visit his web site at: http://windupstories.com/pumpsix/

Venice to Use Algae for 50% of Its Electricity

2009-04-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

The city of Venice has announced a plan to utilize algae in a different way than we're used to hearing about. The Italian city plans to produce 50 percent of its electricity needs from an algae-based power plant instead of fossil fuels.

“Sargassum muticum” and “Undaria pinnatifida” are the names of two kinds of algae brought by the ships coming from Japan and the Sargassi sea. The algea grows over the seaport of Venice, causing problems for gondolas and ferry boats.

But today it could be turned into a resource. Italy recently announced a 200 million euro eco-friendly project to harvest the prolific seaweed that lines Venice’s canals and transform it into emissions-free energy. The idea is to set up a power plant fuelled by algae, the first facility of its kind in Italy.

The plant, to be built in collaboration with renewable energy services company Enalg, will be operative in two years and will produce 40 megawatts of electricity, equivalent to half of the energy required by the entire city centre of Venice.

The algae will be cultivated in laboratories and put in plastic cylinders where water, carbon dioxide, and sunshine can trigger photosynthesis. The resulting biomass will be treated further to produce a fuel to turn turbines. The carbon dioxide produced in the process will be fed back to the algae, resulting in zero emissions from the plant. “Venice could represent the beginning of a global revolution of energy and renewable resources. Our goals are to achieve the energetic self-sufficiency for the seaport and to reduce CO2 emissions, including those one produced by the docked ships”, says the president of the seaport of Venice Authority, Paolo Costa.

The idea sounds good and seems to open great possibilities for zero emission energy production; Venice could represent the first step of a real innovative evolution even if there are still some doubts about the huge amount of money required for this project and the authorization needed to built the plant.

Italian Designers to be Replaced by Elephants?

2009-04-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

Italian designers better watch out!

The designs on the silk sun dresses shown above are based on paintings made by elephants - I kid you not.

Everybody knows elephants are smart - but did you know they can also paint? If you don't believe me then check out this video -- it's amazing.

http://www.youtube.com /watch?v=He7Ge7Sogrk

The idea behind the dresses is to bring awareness and attention to the Asian Elephant & Conservation Project.

If you would like to learn more about this group, see more examples of paintings by elephants or find out where you can buy a super sun dress designed by an elephant - then check out their web site at: http://www.elephantart.com/catalog/splash.php

P.S. To read a true story about how an elephant saved my daughter click on this link:
http://isabellavacani.blogspot.com/search/label/Ganesh

Pizza-making Vending Machning Serves Fresh Pies in Three Minutes

2009-04-06T01:06:00.000-07:00

Let's play some word association. If I say "pizza vending machine," what's the first thing that pops into your mind? Fast, maybe, but probably not delicious or fresh.

Claudio Torghele, inventor of the "Let's Pizza" vending machine, wants his automated chef to be all three. It can churn out one of four different pies in only three minutes, but it's not just warming up frozen pizza. It'll prepare fresh dough, shape it, sauce it, top it and cook it, sliding a full pie out of a slot — all for just shy of five bucks.

Torghele has plans to bring the vending machine to the United States as well as spread it around Europe, though right now it's slugging it out in a shopping mall in Trentino, Italy. As someone who lives with a dozen awesome pizzerias within easy walking distance, I'd pass right by one of these on the street. In a mall, though? Sure, I'd try it out.

Author's Note: this article was reprinted from DVICE.

Louisiana Road Sign

2009-04-04T00:59:00.001-07:00

Here's one reason why it helps to be able to read English when visiting America.

The Importance of Pronunciation

2009-03-31T00:24:00.000-07:00

As the following video clearly shows - correct pronunciation is important when learning English. Steve Martin (one of America's favorite comedians) stars in the newly made Pink Panther movie. In this video - he is playing a Frenchman who is going to America - and wants to practice his English before he goes. The video is pretty funny - because of the troubles he has correctly pronouncing the English words.

This is why I stress correct pronunciation in my classes and urge you to listen to English songs or even to sing along - as it is a great way to learn how to pronounce English words correctly.

Enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvpikUEIaLI

Miniatur Wunderland

2009-03-26T03:42:00.000-07:00

To see a video clip (in English) of the largest model railroad in the world, click on the link below.

It is simply amazing.

http://dvice.com/archives/2009/03/astonishing_mos.php

IMPORTANT RULES OF ENGLISH

2009-03-22T00:42:00.000-07:00

1. Learn and memorize Phrases.

That is the most important step. We might be related to Primates but remember we do not learn a language by learning it one word at a time. Our cuckatoo Fray Paco memorized entire phrases and sentences. Lest you forget, the gray and yellow crested cockatoos or kakatua as they are known in Indonesia are capable of cognitive thought.

2. Don't study Grammar.

That comes later. First concentrate on the phrases such as "I am tired." "I am happy". "This is a lovely day." "This is a great pesto." " The wine is very good."
There are many people out there who have an expert's knowledge of English where Grammar is concerned but are incapaple of conversing in English.

You need to communicate. Everyone does - or should.

3. Concentrate on listening to the correct pronunciation. Avoid saying "eat" for "it". You are risking to be misunderstood. If this happens don't let your feelings of embarassment last long. Don't give up. Develop an attitude. Onward!

4. Repeat words, phrases and sentences many times. Especially those words which give you a bit of trouble such as "This" "That" "Those" Them" "They" and the all important "THE." Again, don't lose heart, repeat them 25 times until you get it right. Until it becomes a habit. Never forget: the"H" is ALWAYS pronounced in English. "Hotel" How" "House" Here" "Happy" " Henry" ' Hurrah." Other difficult words are "Three" Thorough" Thought" "Thrice" "Thirty."

5.Concentrate on phrases and sentences as well as stories with a point of view. The classics are wonderful but only after you have mastered the everyday use of English.

6. Use only English materials such as CD'd, DVD's videso and movies, which you can download through your PC or Mac. Read comic books and magazines like Batman, The Simpsons, Vanity Fair and the National Geographic, The Times of London and the International Herald Tribune.

Read my various blogs since I will place homework there for the various classes particularly in my English for Italians.

Watch for my communiques. From time to time I shall send emails to each of you to exchange points of view.

7. Always have an important dictionary handy. The pocketbooks are useless. Try to obtain the Zanganelli dictionary in Englisn and Italian. You can find waycool computer dictionaries that fit in the palm of your hand. Sharp has one that seems to assist my alumni and alumnae very well.

8. Write down the phonetic pronunciation of words. I always try to give you the correct pronunciation by writing on the board or spelling the way certain words are pronounced. Example: "Walk" is phonetically pronounced "wok" " Talk" idem. The "L" is always silent.

9. Use, Listen, and write stories of your own. Even if they are paragraphs of your work, your trips or your troubles. Again concentrate on the words, not the grammar.

10. Keep a consistent and constant attitude. You are not going to have a command of any language much less one so rich, varied and everchanging as English in 40 hours of classes. Keep at it.I repeat, do not give up!

My classes are deep immersion. Six hours a week divided into three hours each. It is a ball for me to teach them. So far, none of my students fidget or yawn during my classes.

11. I have compiled a small dictionary of American and British slang, including a compendium of my own personal dictionary based on my inventions and creations out of many foreign words or English words.

Let's get to it and enjoy ourselves.

SAINT PATRICK WAS ITALIAN!

2009-03-21T06:01:00.001-07:00

Remember that, when the 17th of March comes around.

In addition to Columbus Day, the 12th of October, the world has Saint Patrick, San Patrizio. Two portentous celebrations. The consequences of these daring and spiritual acts by both men of Italian descent became catastrophic throughout the centuries for the autonomous peoples of Ireland and America respectively.

Patrick was blameless, which is why he became a Saint.

Columbus is another story. I think he personally felt a need to convert the Indians to Christianity but did not protest too muc when the unfortunate natives became indentured servants or slaves.

Patrick's father was Calpurnius and his mother Cesenna. They lived in Roman Britania. Patrick was captured by Irish pirates, sold into slavery and taken to Ireland where he spent seven long years before he escaped back to Britania. It takes a Christlike man to forgive his former savage captors and choose to return to their boggy lands and attempt to imbue them with Christian love - to civilize them.

I can imagine how fiercely the Druids must have resisted his efforts. He must have known and endured every kind of suffering. In the end, this Jesus-like endurance and unchanging faith gave the Irish their strength to fight the British continuously for centuries. It wasn't a war about religion. It seldom is. Their struggle was political. It is usually all about politics. Therefore, I think Italians should also remember Saint Patrick because he was one of them.

Hurrah! Down a wonderful mug of Guinness stout or sip a superb Irish whiskey.

Perhaps the Italians should join the celebration.

To learn more about St. Patrick go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Patrick

ENGLISH IS THE LINGUA FRANCA OF THE WORLD

2009-03-11T12:31:00.000-07:00

If you would like to test my sententious statement about Englisb being the lingua franca of the world, I suggest you do the following. Pretend to get "lost" in Shanghai, find a pavement stuffed with people. They will be going in different directions but, as in a two lane traffic road the Shanghailanders will do the same. Ready? Get set. Turn around slowly, very slowly, taking care not to stretch your arms and bump against people who are all hustle and bustle.

"I am looking for Nanjing Dong Loo,"( Nanjing Road) you say as loudly as your vocal cords will permit. You need to project you voice because the sounds of traffic and humans are LOUD.

Dozens of men, women and children will reply in a tris- trice."Madam, you are on Nanjing Road. Perhaps you are searching for a particular street corner?"

You'll find yourself staring at them wide eyed and open mouthed. To be sure,many of their inflections are typically Chinese but their pronunciation is by and large correct. People are just delighted to practice their English with anyone who speaks the language.Any opportunity is a good one for the gregarious people of Shanghai.

KL - Kuala Lumpur is another such place. But then, the English ruled over Malaysia when they called it Malaya which is not altogether wrong. The lovely brown -skinned people come from the Malay race as do Indonesians and Filipinos.

Shanghai is exceptional because almost everyone speaks English and many of them sacrifice a part of their hard earned money to have private lessons with native English speakers such as I.
American movies shown in English without subtitles used to be standing room only.Now words like reservations and advance booking has entered their vocabulary.

It is difficult nowadays to hear English spoken well on the streets of London. Professor Higgins of Pygmalion and My Fair Lady fame would be revolted at how the language is not only mangled if spoken at all, but how London has turned into a babel of languages.

Italians are the worst offenders in the little knowledge they possess regarding their verbal, conversational and reading skills in English. I would venture to say that their English language skills and comprehension is quite low.

It isn't entirely their fault. Until the year 2007, English as a subject matter wasn't even taught in the public or private schools. Now children attending pre-school are lucky to have English lessons but only for an hour a week. That is hardly enough to enable any child to have a command of English anytime soon. That will not assure them a good position in the services industries, tourism, marketing, electronics, engineering, certainly not in banking, finance, economics and research. And let us not even mention those who are in the legal profession. Familiarity of legal and juridical terms would be of great assistance to them in International Law, Corporate Law or in abuses regarding Human Rights.

REMEMBER: YOU ONLY LEARN TO SPEAK A LANGUAGE BY SPEAKING IT WITH FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.

You must not be afraid or ashamed of making mistakes. We all make them in learning a new language. Just throw yourself in the melee, so to speak.

There are many schools throughout Liguria which charge thousands of Euros for courses in English. I have yet to meet one student who can hold a proper conversation in English after years of wasting their time and having their pockets cleaned out.

To be continued...

MAD KING ENGLY

2009-03-10T05:53:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCTION:

"I thought you said the King had a weak spot for drop dead gorgeous girls," hissed Gina.

"Well, yes he does," replied Nina, not knowing what would happen to them next.

"You ding-a-lings! You bimbos. You have upset his punctilious Majesty," shrilled Mina, Head of King Engly's Security, for the King trusted only women to advise him and protect him.

"Get yourselves off to our nunnery where the lot of you will be taught English pronunciation, enunciation and conjugation eight hours a day, seven days a week. I shall escort you myself before His Majesty in six months time."

"My pretties, if anyone of you dares to say 'ouse, 'otel, de girel, dis n dat, tree instead of three, and ringginge, I shall cast my famous language spells and turn you all into repulsive hags without an aye or a bye. I have spoken. All those who engage in English Manglish will not be tolerated."

Taken from the book "THE ADVENTURES OF NICCOLO".

Hello. Welcome to my English Salon. I hope you enjoy your visit. I promise you, mad King Engly would never have the balls umm ... I mean courage to show up here, not unless Niccolo summons him, which he would never do because his grandmother - that would be yours truly, would place him on an indefinite timeout.

English is a language, which is easy to learn badly and pronounce atrociously. The mediocre and banal teachers of English I encounter; are legion - trust me. They have all been unceremoniously banished to King Engly's realm.

I know, the world needs Love, not yet more ugly men and women but there you are. Che ci vuoi fare?

English is without a doubt the richest modern language in the world. Arabic, Russian and Mandarin are second to none, but they are not as fluid as English. By that I mean that English is evolving continuously. Almost every language in the world has been used and is now in our English lexicon.

Here are just a few examples:

Amore - Love. It's from ancient Latin.

To run amok - comes from Indonesian Bahasa and means exactly the same as in its original usage - amok.

Boondocks - it means some God forsaken place, far, far away. The original word came from Tagalog Filipino, bundoks which means far away hills.

Baby - the French bebe.

Finito. Halas. We won't discuss it again. Finito is Italian for it is finished. Halas is Arabic for the end.

Pajamas - comes to us from India to describe clothes worn at night.

Hasta la vista, baby -- comes to us from Arnold Schwarzenegger (Austria)

To see more English words of foreign origin visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Lists_of_English_words_of_foreign_origin

I shall give you more examples as I initiate the lessons which I hope will not only be great fun but will give you the tools necessary to become proficient in English, the Lingua Franca of the 21st century.

Ciao Carissimi!

Tanti baci!

Isabella Vacani